6 Myths about Bisexuals That Really Need to End
‘I mean he said he was bi… but like I’ve only seen him date women so?’
The myth: Bisexuality is 50/50
The truth: There’s a widely held misconception that bisexuality presents itself equally in the attraction display for the genders of interest. But attraction is not an easily quantifiable equation, and people are more than their genders. So, the more common experience in bisexuality is having leans -- leaning towards women for example. The lean’s strength is personal to the bisexual person. Even 95/5 lean towards one gender is still bisexuality if that is the individual’s label of choice. Having same-sex, opposite-sex, or different-sex relationships are not “evidence” of someone’s bisexuality.
The answer: ‘Just because he’s only dated women doesn’t mean he’s not bi’
‘I’m sorry but a ‘straight’ dude who sleeps with men isn’t straight…’
The myth: Sexuality is fixed
The truth: Although we commonly label attraction by sexual orientations such as heterosexual, homosexual, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual etc., attraction can manifest itself physically, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually and/or romantically. For some, their attractions to what we consider the intimate sphere is aligned with the same gender -- they are completely hetero. For others, there are more nuance and variability. Labels are personal. The LGBTQ have meaning yes, but they also hint at a community and a culture around it. If being straight corresponds best to how this person views themselves, it’s not our job to police that as ‘denial’. He’s a straight man who has sex with men.
The answer: ‘Honestly, that’s kind of his business. If he says he’s straight, he has his reasons.’
‘Don’t really date bi girls… they’re not serious about building a relationship’
The myth: Bisexual people are indecisive about their gender preferences and thus incapable of loyalty
The truth: This belief still stems from the lack of comprehension in regards to being attracted to multiple genders. Bisexual people would be incapable of loyalty because they are unsure of their preferred gender attraction, and could ‘change their minds’ at any moment. But truthfully, how is this different than other type of indecision in a relationship? Unfortunately, people leave their partners for others routinely. This isn’t any more likely just because they’re bisexual.
The answer: ‘that’s not fair to say. Being ready to build a relationship is more about the person than their sexual orientation’
‘Pretty cool that you’re both bi. So maybe you and your girlfriend won’t mind if I’m a third ;)’
The myth: bisexuality is a sexual adventure; bisexual people are promiscuous
The truth: Bisexuality refers to an attraction, not a sexual behavior or sexual activity. There are bisexual people open to casual sex, threesomes, some won’t; some engage in polyamory and others prefer a long-term monogamous relationship - what they share is an attraction to more than one gender. In regards to this message in particular, being attracted to men doesn’t all men.
The answer: 'Nope.'
‘I just wasn’t expecting him to say he was bi. But it makes sense, he’s kind of a softie lol’
The myth: Bisexuality isn’t masculine
The truth: The conception that bisexuality is equated to femininity is a form of internalized homophobia. It’s the stereotype that gay men can’t be virile. An attraction to men isn’t inherently feminine, in heterosexuality or in homosexuality. Same goes for an attraction to women not being masculine. A sexual orientation does not imply a gender role or gender expression.
The answer: 'he’s not soft because he’s bi… js'
‘Why do they even have to come out? Nobody cares that they’re bi’
The myth: biphobia doesn’t exist
The truth: Although some places have culturally become accepting of the LGBT umbrella being openly out of the closet, that’s not everyone’s experience. Whether it be family, coworkers, hometown folks, religious peers or other, there are still fears around the coming out process of a queer identity like bisexuality. People are still marginalized for being themselves. This isn’t mentioning how important and life-changing coming in (coming out to yourself) can feel, and how relieving it can be to announce it. Either way, why comment on it?
The answer: it mattered to them to come out, and I think we should just respect that
Reminder that bi men, bi women, bi non-binary and genderqueer folks, bi & trans folks, questioning and bi-curious folks, biromantic asexual folks and all other bi folks are to be seen, especially this week!